Sometimes i actually want to die. Getting hints that yeah, im not that pretty, im not that skinny, but guess what, I’m not that confident either. I don’t even come across as confident, I blend into the back wall hoping nobody judges me. 

When people tell me things, do they ever think maybe im insecure? Maybe im depressed? Maybe its tough in my head, trying hard as I can to get over him and be possitive? Do i really need to know I’m not pretty? No, beleive it or not, I don’t need to know.

Honors student, to a failing student.

I. am. quite. awaire. I. am. going. badly. at. life. this. year.

I. am. also. quite. awaire. I’m. not. pretty.

But please fellow humans, feel free to answer this question;

Why are some people such assholes?

When a really cute boy makes you do this. While you scream in your head and put a massive smile on your face!

Some faith in humanity has been restored

I just want that person back. The only one that knows I’m not okay when I smile and say I’m good.

We all got to get up. One day or another..

Its unfininished, and I can’t stand it. The thought lingers, and not just in the day.. I dream of him as well. It’s over Kadie, listen to yourself. But it’s so hard. I know it’s over. I know that right now, it’s gone. But I feel it, like an instinct, that it’s unfinished and we will live those teenage sweetheart years again, but for real this time.
I hope this isn’t something everyone goes through… I can’t help but think we broke up, not because of hate, but so we wouldn’t end up hating each other in the future. So we could maybe give it another shot?
We were so in love and we just cut it. In the middle of no where. CHOP.
I admit every single day, with the more guys I meet, I gain a little more respect for Joel. He’s truly an amazing guy, truly honestly amazing. I have never gotten along with somebody as well as him.
I have arguments with guys I’ve only known for a week. Those boys say it will work too, and I’m like “no.. It won’t. This can’t work.”
Joel an I had our first fight when we were five months into our relationship.. So that’s maybe why I now get put off by guys who barely know me, but yell at me.
We were something special, I don’t understand why I lost it though, I went so crazy. My head went so crazy. It got to the point where he said “I’m going to the pub :) so I’ll late reply bub, I’m sorry xxx I love you”
“fine. Don’t talk to me. Love you. Cya.”
why did I say that? I was constantly like that too. I always read it as if he was being a complete asshole :( and he never NEVER was.
I’m happy we broke up for me to realise how lucky I was, how messed up in the head I was, how rude I was, how unreasonable I was. I was impossible to impress. Hard to keep happy.
When everything was already perfect.
I’m just so scared I won’t ever have him back, or anyone like him ever again. It’s as if he’s the one for me, but I missed it, I ruined the chance of lifetime happiness..
I also can’t help but think we didn’t break up from hate. We still talk sometimes, stay in touch. So I must mean something? He still wants me in his life? So it can’t be completely fully over?
If only I knew.

i miss him, i find it so hard to get over something i was so sure of. i dont know. i wish i could re do so many things, because i know if i did change those things, we would still be. i wish i could go back to fourteen. fourteen was awesome. it was perfect. he woul ride across town to see me for thirty seconds. he would kiss me, tell me im beautiful and show how much he loved me. he told me that he will never hurt me deliberatly, i beleived him, and he kept his promise.

i look at old photos, they are perfect. people tell me they dont understand why we broke, because we both cared, but then hurt each other so much.. i know he told me his over me.. i dont really beleive it.. i tell myself i do and continuously tell myself every day. that its gone, hes gone, we are gone, those memories are gone, never again will it happen.. but it doesnt feel finished to me.. and thats what kills me, thats what keeps me subconsiously attatched to him.. no mater what i do, or what i ever say, i will always fall straight back in love when i see his face.

he was way too much for me.. he was way to perfect.. i know he changed since he was sixteen, but i still adore him.. i know im still kinda a child compaired to him, but i think.. i think he still cares for me..

part of me wants to run back to him, ask him to be with me again, but i know its the wrong time, i know that i have to get over him. i HAVE to get over him. this will be the hardest thing i will ever do, but i know i need to, and im slowly, slowly but hopefully getting there. and hopefully my subconcious will follow..

but to be honest, its really not in my control.. let go of the past, ive learnt from my mistakes, live in today, thrive for the future, i beleive ill get there, but i know its going to be a long while.

Just the beginning

I hope you miss me while you’re looking for yourself out there..i know you think about me, but don’t miss me. I miss you.. I still love you

Done on a shitty iPod camera, my friends sample for her art project, can’t remember who inspired this but it’s a neat as idea!

Kadie and Joel broke up.